


Falling into life

by NoahxDingle



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Child Neglect, F/F, Flashback, Future, M/M, Past, Suicide, teenage depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:20:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28372284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoahxDingle/pseuds/NoahxDingle
Summary: Noah attempts suicide but is flashed back into the past times and future times by familiar faces. He is given to choice to live or not for the second time
Relationships: Charity Dingle & Noah Tate, Noah Tate & Vanessa Woodfield, Noah Tate& joe Tate, Sarah Sugden & Noah Tate
Comments: 5
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy xx

Noah looks over the edge of the quarry, the black deep water(his soon to be death bed), as he felt the cold winter air blow in his face, he looks up at the winter sky, at the twinkling stars, but he stops and turns round towards his bag.

He started to fill his tatty red bag with rocks, the biggest ones he could get which were placed among photos of people who fucked off, died or simply just forgot.

He lifted to heavy bag into his back and stood on the edge as the tears fell from his freckly cheeks and wind blew through his golden curly hair. He then just stood they, staring at the sky, Thinking of all the times, the times that hurts him, the words that hurt him, the people that hurt him, the lies that hurt him and the promises that hurt him 

He was a Tate and dingle, it was never gonna be a happy ending. His life was basically made up of fake promises and endless lies.

He thought to himself   
Noah dingle/Tate the boys whose dad topped himself before he took his first breath, the boy who wasn’t wanted even before he entered the real world, the boy, who was sold before he even got out of hospital, the, the boy who nobody could take five fucking minutes and tell him he was loved or hold him close and tell him everything was gonna be ok.

He was sick of going in constant circles, being Charity dingle and Chris Tates runt. 

The problem was nobody knew him, nobody knew what he went through, what and how he felt deep down, the constant bullying in school about being a prison runt, a child of a slapper, dad less and every time his family looked at him all they see is a moody teenager, an ungrateful brat but it was always much more than that, he was slowly fading away but nobody noticed, nobody listened.  
Dragged through every problem that Charity dingle had from the day he was born, was he the problem? Was there a curse that anyone who showed any love to him simply disappeared

All the times he was simply brushed to the side or bullied, a problem child, that’s all he was.

He thinks of his mums harsh words from last night  
“You’ll never be anything Noah, and you wanna know why.... cause your my child and nothing in my life ever goes right you cause more grief than happiness”  
“Your not a fighter, your a manipulator just like your father”   
“More people have left you and I in the 16 years you have been alive than in my whole life, do you ever wonder why, I can think of one very big reason”  
“Your not living a life Noah, your just slowly fading away out of one”  
He knows she was pissed out of her mind and that it was probably the alcohol talking, but it formed a lump in his throat that hasn’t left since.

God there was so many problems in his life including himself, the skinny curly haired freak who has nobody and nothing, all he wants is one person to stick with him.

He’d fell out with Sarah over Danny, he made her chose, why did he do that she was abviously gonna chose her boyfriend. 

He told chas to fuck off and leave him alone, she’s not gonna want to help him anymore, she was just trying to help

His mum went back to not loving him, the neglect, the anger and the distance.

He’d stole cains car and smashed it up, just to let out his anger

And he’d stole money from Moira 

He was rejected from the army because of his kidneys, what’s he gonna do, the only subject he’s half decent at is art.

And let’s be honest anyone who will ever love him, will disappear in a mater of months

Dad killed himself 

Micheal left

Jai left

Declan left 

Lisa died

Joe disappeared 

Graham died

Vanessa left 

And so many more, but he’s not thinking straight, no one is when they are about to jump into something that will kill them.

Noah had been making lists in his head all day and there was more cons that pros. Maybe he was overthinking things, maybe he wasn’t.

But remember he’s not a fighter he’s a manipulator, someone who will never succeed and never be wanted for more than a month before someone is bored of him.

———————-  
He’s brought back to reality by cold raindrops falling from the big black sky onto his skin. His clothes are wet from tears and legs shaking about what he’s gonna do.

Then he heard a voices shouting him

People shouting him not to jump

He turned round facing the dark woods and the people, thinking about dropping the bag and running to them, whoever they where but he’s done with going in a cycle and being fucked off, so he simply falls back, feels the air flow through him, as though he’s flying, it’s scary but not at the same time as he falls he feels his souls leave his body the icy air goes right through him as he falls with the rain, he doesn’t know where the water is and when the air is gonna end as he’s staring up at the starry sky and his back facing his death pool, but he knows he’s then at his final destination as he feels the pressure of the icy water surge through his body, the fall felt like the slowest 10 seconds of his life. But it’s for the best.

The water is icy cold, as the shock shoots through him.  
The weight of his bag, drag him to the bottom of the quarry, were the is probably more dead bodies than there is in emmerdale graveyard. As he floats down the stars soon disappear and a light soon appears 

The water felt thick, as it flowed into his lungs, struggling for a breath, like someone had just simply ripped his lungs from his body and held their hand to his throat, he’s suffocating, but he doesn’t think anymore, after the struggle, everything just ends, as his bag floats off him, but it’s too late. 

———————————————————


	2. The future is black

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He sees the future

He wakes up, confused  
“No, no, no, no this can’t be right, I’m dead” noah thinks to himself as he sees flashing blue and red lights about the surface

“You are, well almost” a voice says from behind him

Noah turns around like a bullet  
“Who the fuck are you” Noah asks severely confused

“Oi, language.  
I am your guardian angel” the man says

“Your not dead Noah, well not yet” the man points behind him as Noah sees his limp body steadily floating to the surface as his bag had come off

“Well then what am I” Noah cries

The angel sighs  
“Your between life and death, and I have come to give you a second chance, to live, I’ll take your through past and and someone else will take you through your future and your highs and lows”

There was a long pause, Noah just kind stayed there staring at the man in front of him  
“I recognise you”

“I’m sure you do Noah” 

“Have we ever met” Noah questions

“No not really, but I’ve been by you your whole life you just didn’t know it”

“No offence like, but nobody has ever stayed by me my whole life” Noah says sarcastically 

“God you have so many characteristics of your mum” the angel said

“Wait you know my mum” Noah says puzzled, he’s seen this man in photos, he’s sure of it, but he just can’t put a name on it

“I had my second chance and I blew it Noah, I reckon the poison got to my head, I had the chance to watch my two beautiful boys grow up and I blew it for what, being able to walk” the man said

“Dad” Noah whispered to himself 

“Sorry what was that I didn’t hear” 

“Yo-, your my d-, da-, dad, Chris Tate” Noah shouted

“But your not a cripple anymore” 

“Yes I know but one of the perks of being dead is no pain and I have been by you and Joe every second of your lives, I wasn’t a good man before, but if I could have raised you two I would have, I hated watching yous suffer”

Noah just stays still, in silence 

“Yeah I thought you’d be speechless, I’d love to chat longer but I have to go, I’ll see you later though”

“No, wait” Noah yells, his times not up, he has so many questions, he’s never even met his dad in his sad little boring life and all he gets is a couple minutes

“dad , DAD, DA-“ he’s cut off,  
as all of a sudden he’s standing outside the cafe in the village.  
He sees Brenda, she’s putting Easter cakes up for sale.

“It’s not even New Year’s Day yet Brenda, nosey cow” Noah says to himself 

“Hello Noah” a slender woman says from behind him 

“Right who the hell are you, I’ve all ready met my dad, that’s enough surprises for one day”

“I’m Zoe, you probably don’t remember me, but I was gonna adopt you, when you where a baby” 

“Oh so your the famous Zoe Tate, who bought me off my mum” Noah scoffed

“Yes pet”

“So what happened to you” noah asked

“Cancer”

“Oh”

“Well Noah, I’d really love to stay and chat but I have to crack on.”

In those short two seconds he was transported to the window of jacobs fold, he looks in and sees his mum in a ball on the sofa hugging Vanessa crying, she looks terrible, even worse than when Vanessa left her.

“Oh my god did her and Vanessa get back together”  
Noah questions

“Yes, and no” there is a pause 

“But Vanessa is literally cradling mum in her hands” Noah thinks to himself

“They got together after your funeral, For now it won’t last long , soon Vanessa will get sick of Charity moping about and drinking all day” Zoe said bitterly 

“My funeral” 

“Yes, Vanessa came back for it, took pitty on Charity and it escalated from there.”

Noah’s speechless, no one really ever thinks of there funeral, it doesn’t feel right

Noah sees a bus stop at the bus stop, it draws his attention when Sarah starts walking towards the house.

“Sarah”

“She’s talking, but not to him, but to someone on the phone”

“No one can hear or see you Noah” Zoe says

“No changes there then” Noah replies

“Dont worry Danny the drugs are hid, they won’t be found, I’ve put them in Noah’s old room for the mean time, the police aren’t gonna look there. He’s been dead 5 months.” Sarah says 

“She’s still with Danny’s” Noah whispers hurt

Sarah opens the door to jacobs fold as Noah walks in after her.

But Vanessa is gone now and the house and mum look worse than before 

“Where the hell have you been!!!!” Charity bellows at Sarah

“Just just at a mates”

“Or with Danny”

“No I said I was done with him do you not trust me”

“Oh really Sarah, is that why I found this in Noah’s room”

Charity holds up a bag of pills 

“Stashing for him or selling”

“None”

“Sarah don’t you dare lie to me, your on very thin ice and how dare you hide it in my dead sons room”

“It’s not his room anymore, he’s dead, and he wouldn’t be if this so called family give a toss about him for five minutes including you. YOUR A MESS GRAN, no wonder Vanessa left you again” Sarah’s word cut through Charity 

“GET, the FUCK OOUUTTTT” Sarah ran out as Noah saw his mum break down in tears and grab a photo and a bottle of Volka 

“Oh, noah” she slurred 

“I’m so so sorry, you where the best thing that ever happened to me and I fucked it up as per usual, what do I do with Sarah” Charity cries into the photo

Noah looks at Zoe, with tears in his eyes 

“That’s not the only thing that got broken” Zoe clicks her fingers again and they are at Zack and Lisa’s 

“Why is chas living here” Noah asks

Chas lost the woolpack, Charity wasn’t working and she lost it, Mandy and Paul couldn’t bare chas cause she kept falling out with them and left for Scotland.

“What about mum and Sarah, What happens for them after this” Noah asks

Zoe looks at her nephew, clicks her fingers and they are in a hospital type place

“There she is, your only parent”

Noah looks at his mum in a chair on her own

“What happened”Noah looks at Zoe

“She lost it, up here” Zoe taps her head

“Nobody could bare her, so they left her, she was already bad enough when you died and Vanessa left again, then Sarah got sent down and she gave up on life, drank herself to a near death” 

Noah breaks dow in tears 

“You see Noah, you do mean a lot to people”

“What about Sarah”

Zoe clicks her fingers once again and there Sarah is in a cell in a young offenders institute.

“Bye Noah”  
Zoe clicks her fingers and there is is back in the bottom of the quarry alone again


	3. The past hurts just as much

“Wait no come back, I need to talk to you” Noah screams as he finds himself at the bottom of the quarry again

“I’m guessing you met Zoe” his father says from behind him

No turns around like a bullet

“I thought you said you felt no pain when your dead” Noah says

“You don’t, but remember Noah your not dead yet, your just simply in between”

Noah felt like someone had just stabbed him in the heart after what he just saw

“I thought if I died, I’d be doing everyone a favour”

“Well obviously you didn’t, but enough about the future now, you need to see your past”

Noah sighs

“Who’s gonna show me that, Anne frank”

“Hold my hand Noah”

“What”

“Hold my hand” Chris repeated

Noah took his hand and it’s hesitation, he’d never even spoke to his dad never mind touch him, but it felt like nothing, I mean his dad was dead, he was a ghost or and angel whatever he said, he never even imagined his dad would make it to heaven never mind he an angel

“I’m taking you to where it all started”

Noah isn’t sure if he wants to see it, it was hard enough to live through it the first time never mind, a second

“There you are, all 2 pounds 2 ounces of you, it’s a miracle you pulled through to be honest”

Noah saw a small child about the size of his hand, in an incubator with wires, tubes and nurses around him. His mum and Debbie was sitting was sitting in chairs beside it.

“What about Jacob” debbie says

“No” Charity quickly remarks

“Why not”

“Cause I don’t like it”

“Well did you like Daniel”

“No”

“So then what do you like” Debbie starts to raise her voice a bit

“Nothing alright, I don’t like anything at the moment or anyone, I just, I just want some piece Debbie” charity starts shouting

“Ryt, so your saying you don’t like the baby”

“Oh for god sake Debbie, will you shut up going on about this blasted baby” Charity shouts in debbies face

There is a long pause

“Of course I like him, but to be honest, Debbie listen to me even if he does survive, and at the moment that’s a very big if at the moment, I’m only gonna have him adopted”

Noah looks at his dad,   
“Is that it”

“Oh no Noah, there’s a lot more to go through before we are finished

Chris holds out his hand, and Noah takes it

This time they are in a different room, his sees the baby again, still in an incubator but much bigger than before, he notices his mum and Zoe the lady he met before standing beside it talking about something

“Come on Zoe you gotta do better than that, there’s gotta be something you can handle, something that’s actually gonna get me off”

“Alright....... I’ll say I know Chris started the fire” Zoe spits at Charity

“Yeah big deal, it’s still not enough..... you gotta say you know for a FACT Chris killed himself” Charity says

“But the packaging for the poison was in the fire, I’ll say I was him burn it, that’ll be enough” Zoe starts to raise her voice

“Nooo you have to say, you know for a fact that he killed himself......nothing less”

“What if I don’t say”

“I wanna hear you say it” Charity said starting to get spiteful

There was a pause

“I know....... Chris killed hisself”

Zoe pulls out a piece of paper and a pen

“Sign it”

Charity takes the pen

“Can’t go back on this anyway”

“Yeah well I can go back on my word”

Charity looks Zoe in the eye

“I have to trust you”

“And I have to trust you....sign it”

“10 grand and my freedom, it’s all worth it, you can take the child, he’s Chris’ anyway I want every bit of that man out of my life”

Then Chris buts in

“Thats when your mum signed the adoption papers”

“Yeah I think I grasped that thanks”

“Do you wanna see more from this time or will we move on”

“Show me more”

Noah takes Chris hand again

And now they are in the forest, he can hear shouting, he sees Debbie and his mum screaming at eachother

“Debbie, Debbie please love I had no choice, your a bright lass you should be able to see that” Charity shouts

“You know how much I loved Noah” Debbie says

“Well the important thing is that I’m free now, we can be together again”

“Oh so I suppose now you’ve done this for me”

“I have” Charity shouts louder

“The only person you’ve ever cared about is yourself the minute you found out you were pregnant, that’s all you thought about”

“DEBBIE I WAS IN PRISON FOR MURDER”

“Yeah well it’s a pitty that you were let out”

“Ya what”

“Some people deserve to be locked up”

“I’ve done my best for you Debbie, I took ya in when you came knocking on my door, I didn’t have to, I could have said on ya bike”

“You did”

“Yeah but then I changed my mind, I gave you everything that I could Debbie and made up for all the last years and what do I get in return, every little thing I do you find fault in” Charity yells

“Giving my brother away isn’t little”

“Life can’t always be perfect can it”

“Like I don’t know that”

“Look I never killed Chris and Zoe knew that, but she makes up her own rules, and ya have to play her game, LOOK LISTEN”

Charity grabs debbies arm to face her

“Noah was my ticket out of jail”

“Is that all he was to ya”

“Well else do you think I decided not to abort”

In a fit of anger Debbie slaps Charity in the face

“Yeah that’s why I should abort you” Debbie spits at Charity as she runs off

...  
“That’s all I was, was it, her ticket, no wonder she doesn’t love me like everyone else”

“Noah, listen to me” Chris says

“No, no don’t even, if you’ve have really been with me you would have seen how she treated me and then when she breaks up with someone I’m just meant to face the consequences and forget about them, I hated Ryan, the nicest person I’ve met, all because it gave her yet another reason to ignore me, I’m not like all her other kids. My dads dead, and if she doesn’t care they all have fathers to go to, I’m just the one who had nobody, who was like a heavy suitcase she had to drag through everything, I just can’t do it anymore, I can’t”

“You can Noah”

“No I can’t, I’ve seen Micheal, I’ve seen jai, I’ve seen Declan, Cain, Vanessa and Tom all leave me, including Lisa, joe, Graham, and so many more people, and I’m sick of it, I don’t want to live, and I don’t want to be in this world with people who don’t give a flying fucking about me.” Noah screams

“Noah please, you have to listen to me, you saw what Zoe showed you, and things can get a lot worse, no matter how much your mum has hurt you or neglected you she still loves you, she just didn’t get that love when she was younger and...” he’s cut off by Noah

“Well why can she show it to her other kids, she’s put more effort into loving Johnny in the couple years she knew him that she has me my whole life, do you know how much I was alone, no you don’t cause you probably weren’t there either, when we moved into the pub after she got out of prison, our relationship was gone we could go weeks without talking and she didn’t even notice, she spoke to me when she was telling me off for something and then Vanessa comes and she tries to make out she’s the best mum in the world, Vanessa just thought I was being a brat but the truth is she didn’t understand either and like I said to mum when they started dating I was the one who had to pick up the pieces when she left”

“Do you want to show you more” Chris gloomily says

“NOO, noo I don’t, just leave me at the bottom of the quarry”

“Noah I can’t do that, I’m not letting my son make the same mistakes I did”

“Your son, I’ve never met you a day in my life”

“I’m not letting you do this”

Chris starts talking random gibberish

“What the hell are you doing”

He continues to talk gibberish   
Then he stops

“Your not gonna die Noah, this time this promise will keep”

........

Noah suddenly feels a surge of electricity so through him as he struggles for a breath

He doesn’t know where he is but he can hear voices

“Noah can you hear me babe” he hears a familiar cloudy voice

“Noah, we need you to stay conscious yeah, you’ve banged your head but your gonna be ok”

3

2

1

Go

He feels another electric shock surge through him as he slowly opens his eyes, he’s in the hospital, he sees his mum

“What were you thinking babe, you could have killed yourself”

“No, no, no” Noah shouted as he started to regain consciousness

“Babe calm down yeah” him mum assured

“I’m meant to be dead, he made me a promise, I saw him and her they showed me”

“Babe saw who”

“Daddd he shouts” Charity just looks at him

“Babe your dads dead, you’ve hit your head quite hard”

“No no no, I’m meant to be dead, the water, the bag, the quarry”

A nurse comes over to Noah with a needle

“This is just gonna help you calm down” the nurse said as she inserted it into his side”

He felt woozy as he fell out of consciousness


	4. I’m not crazy I swear

Noah wakes up after a few hours, he struggles to open his eyes as the light is so bright, he’s still a bit woozy from whatever they injected to him.

“Heyyy, babe, you gave me a bit of a scare there” Charity said in a reassuring voice

“You alright mate” Sarah said as she walk towards him

“Mum I swear I saw dad, he spoke to me, he showed me things” Noah insisted, he could see the doubt in his mums eyes

“Look babe, you had a wee problem with your head and had surgery, you’ve been out of it for a couple of weeks now,”

“What no, I’m fine I saw dad, Zoe they were giving me a second chance”

“Noah, your just seeing things, making them up in your head, that’s why you’ve been brought here”

“I saw you aswell, your were drunk, you were in rehab you’d lost everything” he turns around to Sarah “and you were in prison cause of Danny, I swear I saw everything you gotta believe me” Noah cries 

“Noah these people are gonna help you get things out of your mind”

“No, no mum you don’t understand, your not listening to me” he tries to move his hand but he can’t, he’s tied to the bed, his feet too.

“Mum, mum why am I tied to the bed, let me go, please let me go, I haven’t done anything,” Noah starts to shout as he tries to wriggle out of the force holding him to the bed.

“Noah love, stop, stop, look at me, calm down and look at me”

Noah stops and looks at his mum

“Noah, your not in a hospital anymore, you are in a place where they are gonna help you get your mind straight, you do realise your where talking about dead people, seeing the future and rambling on about random things, Noah, the doctors just think that you need a bit of help to get things out of your head”

It dawns on Noah what his mum is trying to say

“I’m not crazy mum, I SWEAR, IM NOT CRAZY, IM NOT FUCKING CRAZY” Noah screams as tears run down his face 

He can see that his mum is scared 

“I’ll see you tomorrow babe” Charity says softly, the tears are running down her face and the colour is drained from her 

“Come on Sarah”

“Can I talk to him for a bit” Sarah says 

Charity looks at Sarah and nods gently

“Sarah, please you gotta believe me, please”

Sarah looks at Noah, she looks like she’s gonna just burst into tears 

“I love you Noah, your like a brother to me, I don’t wanna lose you, these past few weeks, we’ve all been so worried for you, you had a bleed in the brain Noah, I didn’t think you’d make it, nobody did” the tears are running down her face at this point

“And your not gonna lose me, I’m alive, please Sarah get me out of this hell hole, and I’ll go home and I’ll talk to you about everything,  
And I’ll show you that I’m not crazy” Noah stared at Sarah begging her to help him

“What do you expect me to think Noah” Sarah said 

“I swear Sarah I’m not, just un tie me please”

Sarah looked reluctant, but she really didn’t think this was the best place for him, she doesn’t want to make things any worse for him, but he needs his family around him, the maybe he would get better quicker

“Fine, but only if you promise to let me take care of you” 

“Yes, yes anything Sarah”

Sarah untied his arms and legs, and he put on the clothes at the end of his bed, his legs where a wobbly, he was too weak to even stand by himself.

“Grab that wheelchair” Noah pointed to the corner of the room

He hoped in the wheelchair and Sarah wheeled him down the corridors, they were cold, but bright, the feel of the place made his skin crawl, he could hear other patients, screaming shouting, or just talking, he couldn’t really make out what they were cause everything was like a scream to him at the moment.

“Come on, faster, or we are gonna get caught,” Sarah said breathlessly as they reached the end of the corridor, they could see the receptionist, sitting in her high chairs she was a ratty old bitch, wouldn’t miss a thing 

“Right all you have to do is look confident going past the desk, make the it look like you were just visiting someone” Sarah nodded at him 

“But I’m in a wheelchair” Noah questioned

3

2

1

Go 

Sarah and Noah went confidently through the reception 

“Sorry can yous just sign out here and show me your passes please” the receptionist said 

“Noah felt his heart fall through him when she spoke to them, he thought of the worse, he just hoped Sarah would be more calm 

“Yeah sure” Sarah said 

Noah knew for a fact they would get caught out if they went anywhere near that desk and if they hang about any longer a nurse or something will find his bed empty  
, so Sarah the wheelchair and ran for the door, he felt the fresh air surge through this whole body, he saw the wee red Peugeot in the distance and he could see his mum already in the car, she was crying, he felt bad for cause her this much stress but then again she shoved him in a mental hospital and tried to leave him there.

Sarah shoved him in the back of the car and shouted his mum

“Start the car now, don’t ask questions just drive” Sarah screamed at Charity, as she saw nurses running outside 

“What the hell is going on”

“Shut up and put your foot down” Sarah screamed

**Author's Note:**

> Comment what you think and what I could improve on


End file.
